I think I Might Be a Masochist

At the moment, my right eye is trying to commit suicide. I was up late last night attempting to finish my mom's Christmas present, and it seems that my eye objects to trying to start another gift on the heels of such a fiddly one (which I admit was done in poor lighting). This has made my day so far delightful.

I was so happy to finish my mom's present, because my main thought when knitting it was not, "Oh, she'll love this" "What a delightful colorway" or some such thing. It was mostly, "F@!$ing acrylic". I truly hate the stuff. It's stiff, scratchy, and doesn't hold heat well, if at all. I only used it because I had it sitting around, and I'm cheap. I also didn't think it would really be that bad. I thought I was giving a better gift, because the socks will last longer. I did not realize I was committing myself to a slow death, as I tried to knit cardboard socks on little needles, with yarn that seemed to hold the needles in a dramatic death grip. (I do not lie when I tell you that those needles are now bent. They've got this curve to them from trying to wrangle the acrylic crap off of them and into socks.)

Needless to say, I am a much happier person, now that the F*&$ing Acrylic Socks are done. I even did a little jig as I wove in ends. 'I am free!' I thought.

Then I remembered what I'm making my mother next Christmas. And I began to feel a little sick.

See, my mom has these two really big skeins of yarn that she's had for a while. One is red, and one is green, and my mother would really like a Christmas sweater made out of them. Before I began the F$%*ing Acrylic Socks, I thought to myself, "I will do it. I love my mother, and I know she will adore having a Christmas Sweater." But now that I have finished the FAS, I realize there will be some problems when I try to make this sweater.

1. It's acrylic. I despise acrylic.

2. It's a sweater, so I will spend a lot of time with the acrylic.

3. I lied before. The yarn isn't 100% acrylic. It's 95%. But the other 5% is metallic thread. It is in there for sparkle and to make the yarn more eye-catching. I assume. 

I privately believe that this yarn is special yarn sold in special stores, to masochists. To those knitters who feel the need for penance in their lives. I'm not sure how my lovely mother came to have this yarn, as she is not what most people would call a masochist. (She did decide to raise five children, and chose not to sell us on the black market. I personally believe, though, that she is merely insane, not a masochist.)

But I am still going to knit the sweater. I love my mother, and I want her to have her f)*%&ing Christmas Sweater. This may make me a masochist.